I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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