talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
