DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
