when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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