babies were throwing up all over the place
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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