I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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