we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
