We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
