She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize