Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
