So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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