Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
