Slut skills are useful in every country.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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