I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
