WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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