I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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