they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize