i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
