Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
