You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The struggles of a small town man whore
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
