I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize