my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
