think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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