Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
