Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
