If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
