im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
