my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize