Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
