i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
