Just fell off a train. Bad.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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