I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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