Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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