i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
