So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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