sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just pee around me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
