I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
