if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
