Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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