My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
