I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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