Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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