You work out of a Hotel?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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