I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
