Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize