So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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