...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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