I look better un-naked...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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