i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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