White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Randomize
