girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
