Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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