We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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