At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hippo gnu deer
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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