That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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