im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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