I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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