do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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