I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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