i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
