He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
