I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
