I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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