the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
